the emergency emory board

so this is what happened
exactly as i can be
i had split my nail and it was coming
very near the nailbed and i didn't
have an emory board
so i was in manhattan
where you can get anything you want
and i walk about ten blocks, then
fifteen and there's lots of places
to pick up matches
but nowhere a girl can get an
emergency emory board
this, thought i, is exactly how we know
that this world is organized for the benefit
and to satisfy the fantasies of men and not women
if we were matriarchal, i would be able to acquire
a single emory board for 5 or 10 cents along with
my solo cigarette
i am now half a block from my destination
a two hour bus ride awaits me
with ample opportunities amplifying in my imagination
to split my nail into its nailbed
suddenly i see a beautiful young
woman dressed in white
spandex pants, a flowery short shirt
under a sporty leather looking jacket
long blonde hair, ten inch heels
she towers above me - what eyes!
and was not a man
a sweet mien met my request
for an emory board
she looked quizzically at me but
just for a moment while
i was showing her this split
and then offering that
i didn't have any diseases
or anything
like that
she was reaching into her purse
bringing out and reaching towards me
a wide emory board decorated
with pink 1960's deco flowers
back and forth the emergency emory board
eased the split in my already
very short nail
quietly realizing
her jet black
pimp was standing next to me
and
perhaps a few customers waiting
was the explanation of the men lurking
all around us, shoulder length away
i finished - nail smooth
handed her the emory board
said thank you so much
she smiled - what a smile!
said to me
"welcome to new york"
i ask you: does this woman
not deserve free health care?

whirlwind

one of my daughters explained her view of the venus mars debacle: women think men are retarded. men think women are crazy. i get that. my other daughter says that, when in doubt, thrive; you are in the system so your thriving brings thriving into the system. i get that too. my new vision of utopia is a world of thriving retards and crazy people.

impertinent scowls
watch me live
stay on your side
the moral divide
feel horribler and relentlessly horribbellerrrr
stretch your skeletal muscles
hold yourself biased braced for the pain
inflicting yourself choosing
affront your life with the constant threat of your death
we walk one road
consciousness can only track one reality at a time
in this framework each step
is both concluding and resuming
as we conclude damage, our new step brings brokenness
as we conclude with faith, we resume with grace
and, if we place our stance in joy?
flying in the door
smacking me in the face
whipped cream madness
honey in my hair
plant roses ease despair

est-il dimanche? lundi?

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just past the equinox

i have
the right
to live my life
to love my life
whatever shape she takes

i can even choose peace
isn't that almost unbelievable?
i can live peacefully in a time of war
wollstonecraft living on the outskirts of paris

fraternity
means equality in relationships - a relationship between equals
a dream as distant as a safe way to dispose of radio-active substances
but i have faith that the boys in us will figure it out eventually

what could sorority mean?
women coming together as sisters?
is fighting for the advantage in the pursuit of wealth and the alpha male - is that the best we can do?
could sisters come together
using their agencies, their agentic selves
not to recreate rigid lines of value
hierarchies of pain
i respect this genetic memory of a biologically-based protocol
but um
when
does our responsibility to evolve
into something less lizard-like
kick into gear?

balls flash

how can you stop a poem
when she wants to be written?
how do you stop loving when
the wall goes up
the wall that screams - don't touch me!
i can't feel anything
without raging
sounds an odd harmonic
while the loneliness in their being cries
connect with me please fuck
me please touch me, lick me, kiss me
jangling blues rocks the daydream
men flash balls then
quick as night
hide behind walls
searing fear, a comet searching for a war
a fiendish fear passing over
the star on my door
a baby on board
driving through the dark imaginings
headlights on the highway

2 kinds of good

on my spiritual path, i've found that there are 2 kinds of good: one is the kind where you toe-the-line of some tradition and/or expectations (yours or anyone else's). the other kind of good can only be reached by being bad first (or simultaneously).

the left-hand path to enlightenment resolves the duality between the shadow self and the persona, integrates the personality without falsely unifying it.

as i prefer democracy and diversity in the patterns of my love and life, the ecology of my beingness, i prefer the left-hand path as it feels more responsable and courageous (i.e. responsive and heart-centered). and walking this path has made me steadily healthier and happier.

my observations of people walking the toe-the-line paths is that the inner violence they must perpetrate on themselves to repress so many of their own inner urgings/voices/desires/talents, their light so hidden under such a heavy bushel, that they either crash headlong in some kind of saturnian-inspired reality check or dissolve irrevocably in a narcotic neptunian illusory projection.

my observations of people walking left-hand paths is that they sometimes experience deeply disturbing passages and emerge from each one lighter and more effective in their love.