mary & the holy ghost

what about mary and the holy ghost? what goes on there? is the holy ghost the mother in the trilogy of father, son and ? ghost? i never once had a ghost fuck my husband (well maybe once or twice) or do the dishes (never) calm one of the children (never) make appointments (never) keep appointments (never) clean toilets (never) so what kind of mother is this holy ghost? a floating ephemera? a chimera? an inspiration? a muse? kept around to be amusing? to lift stray objects and move them around the house?

i think that's how i often feel. like an invisible wraith passing through and among the full bodied souls of men. we women are everywhere and nowhere. we mean everything and we are so small inside our own assessments of ourselves that we put up with the most egregious abuse.

chappelle and pryor ran to africa to be among equals. to take a break from the enrelentingly superior gaze of oppressive masters. i think i understand the urge. but how can i understand the results? where is my africa? and i don't want an amazon state, somehow like israel, created because of past abuse, sitting amidst her enemies all around. no, i choose to accept my integration with the community. i am in it and i cannot escape it, if i am to have any dignity it must be found and/or created within it.

and mary, the sea. the ocean that all life emerged from. the essence of the natural world. as long as we hate, blame, despise nature for our conditions, we cannot genuinely appreciate mary. but we can't get rid of her either. i mean, we somehow sort of, kind of, can't help having to acknowledge, just a little bit, that we need babies to be born. we need life to continue so we can hate it some more. so keep those babies coming mary while we deny your power, your glory, your partnership with the eternal aesthetic abstract we call god.